Life2Life Consulting

What is "Life 2 Life"?

2010-02-12T09:08:00.001-08:00

Churches and student ministries spend thousands of dollars sending their youth leaders and staff to conferences every year. These conferences are great and provide great ministry stimulation and encouragement but very little of what is learned is implemented. Over the years thousands of youth leaders have been inspired, encouraged and challenged through the great conferences available to youth leaders around the country. There’s no doubt youth leaders should attend conferences because of the great value it brings them personally and to their ministry.

But what if the conference came to the church? What if training were specifically designed to address the unique needs and passions of an individual church? What if this training were followed up by ongoing coaching to assist in the implementation of the training? With all the value of conferences one aspect that’s a struggle is the implementation of what is heard. In a conference there’s so much information that many times it’s like a fly taking a drink of from a fire hose. When there is so much information and “training” there’s only a small percentage of what is heard really applied to the local church student ministry. This is an issue no matter how great the conference.

Who we are...
Our team has a heart for the health of the church, youth ministry, youth leaders and students. We love the privilege of serving youth ministry and the church by offering ongoing relational coaching to youth ministry leadership. Although consulting feels like a professional approach to ministry effectiveness our desire is not only to be professional but very personal. While providing assessment and ministry advice our greatest value comes from a longer term coaching relationship.

Here are a few of the words to describe our values...

Relationship - Whether it is our relationship to God, relationship with students or the student directors, life to life / relational ministry in our opinion is the most effective way encourage and assist student ministries. Relationships that begin in the consulting process will hopefully be long term as people and ministries grow and experience new challenges.

Longevity - Healthy student ministries are typically led by leadership who has been around for 4 years or more. Healthy student ministry directors in healthy church situations results in longevity and deeper impact. Youth leaders who are better equipped, coached and well supported will be more likely to stay in a ministry position for the long haul.

Leadership - Every believer is called to lead. Our desire is that staff and students would better understand their giftedness and how to serve within their ministry context. Life 2 Life brings tools to the table to help leaders discover, develop and utilize their God given abilities.

Coaching - Consulting can sometimes be defined in these 2 steps.
Assessment
Advice

We go way beyond these 2 steps. With relationship being a value our desire is to stick with a church for as long as needed to insure implementation of healthy effective ministry. Of course clear and focused assessment and calculated advice is necessary, but there must be more. After assessment and advice, Life 2 Life seeks to provide ongoing support and coaching in areas that need special attention.

God Dependent - ministry isn’t just about assessment, strategy and team building. Ministry is really about the power of God working in and through people. It doesn’t matter how much ministry experience one has if God is not fueling the consulting process. Creating and sustaining an environment of prayer is essential in any ministry and consulting process.

Listening - With a personal approach to consulting we desire to understand the depth and complexity of issues a ministry is facing. Before applying advice and support it’s important to fully understand. This means asking great questions and truly seeking to hear what is being said about particular ministry situations.

Gentle Honesty - The last thing any ministry leader needs is someone who won’t share the real issues. Sometimes the truth is difficult to communicate and even more difficult to hear. If the real issues aren’t addressed and dealt with it’s kind of like putting a band aid on a tumor. Truth must be shared in patience, wisdom and gentleness but it must be shared.

Who can benefit from “Life 2 Life”?

What kind of churches could benefit from a relationship with Life2Life? There are several stages student ministries experience that are prime situations to benefit from outside assessment.

Here are 3
Transition Stage - Your ministry is in a transitional stage and in need of staff leadership. Having no student ministry leader doesn’t have to mean no effective student ministry. Our desire would be to help the ministry to continue to have an impact on the students who are there and work towards seeing the ministry in a healthy position for the new leadership. This may include training of adult leaders, assistance in the interview process and shepherding of existing staff. We can also help to fill some of the gaps that are left when a ministry is without a leader. Whatever your particular needs are, Life 2 Life will taylor make it’s relationship to fit the unique needs of the church during this challenging and exciting time.
Struggling Stage - Perhaps your ministry is in the place where there is great potential in the leadership but there is a gap between solid leadership and effective ministry. Life 2 Life can assess the strengths, weaknesses opportunities and barriers. From there we can provide advice, on site training and ongoing coaching of the ministry leadership. This approach will reasonably assure implementation of healthy ministry strategy and practice while shepherding the heart of the ministry leadership.
Healthy Stage - Sometimes the most dangerous stage for a ministry is when things are going really well. Perhaps you have seen several years of effective ministry but don’t want to get in a rut. We can add an extra set of eyes to what you are seeing and ask questions to promote thinking outside the box. This relationship may include a greater emphasis on student leadership or thinking through how to implement a intern ministry to serve youth ministry on a broader level.

The Process -

The first step in building a relationship is a series of phone interviews to determine if the consulting relationship will be beneficial to the church. In this step there must be honest dialogue about the issues facing a students ministry and if Life 2 Life can truly serve the ministry with excellence. It is also in the step that clear expectations will be agreed upon. That way there are no surprises about what will be delivered in the consulting process.

The second step will include an on site visit. This visit can last up to four days depending on how long it takes to gain exposure to all the programs the student ministry has to offer. The purpose of this visit is to give the consultant a feel for the culture and heart of the church. It will also act as a great opportunity to build and deepen relationship with the student ministry staff / leader that will yield fruit in the weeks / months ahead.

Step three is all about creating an assessment plan that will focus on assisting the ministry in meeting it’s goals / challenges. This plan may include...
Coaching of the ministry leader /staff
One time or ongoing training of adult leadership
Advice on pastoral issues
Consulting in the area of strategic planning
Speaking to students
Parent training
Staff team development / team building
Spiritual shepherding of staff team / leader
Advice / assistance on hiring student ministry staff
Student Leadership development / retreats
Communication Plan
Pastor / leader speaking assessment

The fourth step is the implementation of the plan. The length of the consulting relationship will be determined by the church but also by Life 2 Life’s reasonable ability to serve effectively.

You can reach us at life2lifecoach@gmail.com

"Self Love"

2009-12-27T10:19:00.000-08:00

I've always struggled with self love. In his song "obsession" Martin Smith admits, "I carry pride like a disease". That's me.

My pride comes out in so many ways. It comes out when I talk about myself and try to "one up" others. It comes out in my allowing others to serve me without lifting a finger to serve. It comes out when I compare myself with others. It comes out in meetings where I want my voice to be heard and people to be impressed with me. It comes out when I neglect prayer and act as if I can do life without God. I, I, I, me, me, me,.

In 2005 my friend Connie gave me a book. I know it was 2005 because in the front of the book it says, "Christmas 2005". The name of the book is "humility, true greatness". Yes, it's taken 4 years for me to pick it up. So why now?

The last couple of months I have felt this war with pride raging inside me. I don't want God to resist me, I want him to look on me and give me grace. This morning I read the 1st chapter. Here's my response.

I must repent. Repentance is God's way of bringing us back into intimacy and blessing with him. After every chapter I read I'm going to write a little about my pride and my journey to more fully embrace humility.

The next couple of weeks could be painful, but I long for God's gracious love and power in every facet of my life. With unrestrained pride experiencing God's grace is impossible.

So, here's a question, when people (my wife, kids, coworkers, friends) look at my life would they describe it as a life of humility?

My we be a people who clearly see God's holiness and our sinfulness. That's the beginning of true humility.

The Exxon Man

2009-10-28T07:14:00.000-07:00

The coolest thing just happened. I was at the Exxon station here in beautiful Flower Mound Texas after hanging out with some high school kids at Chick-F-La. Out of nowhere a truck driver walked up and started talking to me.

He drove one of those huge tanker trucks that delivers gas. I know he was an Exxon man because he was wearing a hard hat that said "Exxon". I'm smart that way.

He was just nice and cheery. Not in an artificial, annoying way but in an organic natural way. He asked me a couple of questions. "Are you on your way to work or just somewhere to relax?" (I had on my sweat pants) I said "oh, neither". Then he told me he didn't want to take up any of my time. He wasn't, I was pumping gas.

Then came the big question, "I have here a gospel tract, would it be ok if I gave it to you?" Now, honestly this isn't really my style at all. I like to build relationships with people and share my life in such a way that gives me opportunity to live out the gospel before them. Kind of a share the gospel at all times and if necessary use words approach.

My response to the Exxon man? "Absolutely" He then said this, "this may be the only opportunity today for you to hear that God loves you".

It made my day! I'm so thankful I ran into him. Some of you are hoping I read the tract and finally got saved. I didn't, but it did remind me that we are to boldly live out and speak the gospel in every aspect of our lives. At church, the restaurant, our work place, our school, our sports team or club and yes even the Exxon station.

May we have a whimsical, bold and gentle delivery of the gospel today, whether we wear a hard hat or not.

Strongest Man Competition

2009-10-27T06:14:00.000-07:00

There is so much about me that wants to be strong but there's a problem.

I have no chance of being in the "world's strongest man" competition or playing any position in college football (or middle school football honestly). I don't spend much time in the weight room. OK, I don't spend any time in the weight room. Big muscles would be nice but they're probably not in my future.

Our world celebrates strength and many times that bleeds over into our spiritual leadership. Most of us feel we are expected to be strong and together. If there were a "strongest person competition" for spiritual people I often feel I should be in it and actually win!

Here's the problem. Most don't see themselves as weak and weakness is a non negotiable for spiritual leadership. We will not be effective in our leadership without weakness. Instead of showing ourselves as having it together we should live our lives and engage in conversation about our vulnerability, weakness and failure. That can be difficult when we feel people expect us to be superman. (or wonderwoman)

Someone may say, "if people see your weakness they may not respect you as a spiritual leader". Isn't the opposite true? Don't we live in a world and a culture that is crying out for leaders who are honest about their struggle? Not just their struggle of 10 years ago but maybe their struggle of 10 minutes ago? And isn't God's grace and power sufficient for our daily weakness and struggle? And isn't it more powerful to model for people the grace and compassion of Christ in the midst of our weakness instead our "having it all together" strength?

Embrace your weakness.

"For when I am weak, then I am strong" Paul

Paul actually says he delights in weakness. You see, when we accept and embrace our weakness that is when we run to Jesus who's strength is limitless.

A.W. Tozer puts it this way.

"If we are going to stand for Jesus, it is good for us to remember how strong he is and how weak we are. I tell you, I have talked to God more than I have talked to anyone else and my conferences with him have been longer than with anyone else."

How do we view ourselves? Are we weak enough to run to Jesus?

May we be people who display the grace and mercy of Jesus by being vulnerable and transparent. In your conversations look for opportunity to share struggle and failure and weakness.

1 Cor 2:3-5
3 I came to you in weakness and fear, and with much trembling. 4 My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit's power, 5 so that your faith might not rest on men's wisdom, but on God's power.

In Vain

2009-10-15T07:48:00.000-07:00

I've heard 2 stories the last 2 days that are having significant impact in my soul. One involves a delivery truck driver and the other a single mom.

Every once in a while I get to hang out with other youth leaders. Sitting at lunch we were discussing how to find margin in our our lives to make sure we are spending time with God. You know, the typical meditate on scripture and prayer thing. By the way, it seems to me there is nothing more important I can do as a youth pastor. It is the most important time we can spend, the problem is I struggle. Time is spent doing very good things but not so much the most needed things.

Enter our driver. Some of the youth pastors were volunteers and told us the story of a man who is the youth pastor at a church but drives a truck 40 hours a week. Unlike me he has a real job. When he gets to a delivery place it takes about 20 minutes to unload the truck, what does he do? He takes every 20 minutes he has to meditate on scripture. When I have 20 minutes? I check facebook, play "words with friends", check email, or anything else to avoid slowing down. I'm in full time ministry and honestly have much more time in my schedule than someone who works 40 hours driving a truck and then 40 hours volunteering in ministry. Now why is it I don't always take time for personal worship?

The other night we had a single mom and her daughter for dinner. We love her and her little girl. Jadine is 5 and has tons of energy. She actually wakes up at 5am just about every morning. What does her mom do? She gets up at 4:15 am (yes, there are 2 4:15am's in a day) to spend time with God. She told us that if she doesn't do it then it doesn't get done. Jadine is in her face by 5am.

Do you see where this is headed? I most likely have more margin in my schedule than either my friends. There is absolutely no excuse for me to neglect life changing time in the Word and prayer.

I've been doing a lot of repenting the last 2 days. It's not really about me trying harder but seeking to understand what is going on in my heart that sometimes neglects time alone with God and asking him to draw my heart to focus more and more on him.

Here are some questions I'm asking myself...

Do I really think I can live my life in my own strength?
Prayerlessness is ultimately telling God we don't need him.

Are there hurts in my life that are being medicated by my busyness?
Perhaps I'm afraid if I slow down to think and pray it might hurt and who wants that?

Am I simply lazy?

Has it been far to long since I experienced the pleasure of God's presence?

The response to each and all these questions is to ask God for forgiveness and the grace to grow. The last thing in the world I want is a powerless, Jesusless life, family and ministry.

Ps 127:1-2

127 Unless the Lord builds the house,
its builders labor in vain.
Unless the Lord watches over the city,
the watchmen stand guard in vain.
2 In vain you rise early
and stay up late,
toiling for food to eat —
for he grants sleep to those he loves.

I really don't want to be the guy who does anything in vain. (Especially early in the morning)

Tex-Mex

2009-05-03T21:33:00.001-07:00

Tonight I spent time with some of the best youth leaders in the known universe. Our life to life discipleship groups are called "10:24" groups. (Based on Hebrews 10:24) Right now there are 5 high school groups and we hope to have 12 this fall. Eventually we want these groups to become viral (not like the swine virus). Eventually our goal is that 2/3 of our student body be involved in one of these groups.

We're simply trying to give adult leaders context to pastor students in our ministry. They focus on prayer, accountability, care and training.

Tonight we ate Tex-Mex and told stories about how God is using them to impact their students. Once again I'm reminded of how crucial it is for us to raise up Godly people to hang out with students. These leaders have far greater impact on their students than any paid staffer on our team.

What are you doing to raise up adult leaders to care for students? How are you training them and showing them appreciation. It's something I'm committed to but would love to be much more effective.

Please share the top 3 things you have done to tell your leaders "thanks".

Student Advisory Team

2009-04-06T08:41:00.000-07:00

As leaders of student ministry we are called to equip God's people to serve. In my my mind that's not just about adult leadership but very much about equipping students to serve. In our student ministry we are thinking through how to help students discover, develop and then utilize their God given gifts. Every student who is growing in their faith is called to lead (serve) in some capacity.

Last week we took our fist step. We met with our senior high student advisory team. This team consists of 4 students (2 girls 2 boys) from each grade. They were nominated by their peers and then chosen by our staff. Their role is to provide counsel to the senior high staff team.

It was incredible time to hear their perspective about their student ministry. We shared vision, listened to vision and received great advice on what they would like to see in our senior high ministry.

My hope is that they would feel the authentic ownership and influence they have in the senior high ministry.

If you're involved in student ministry please think through how to give students more and more opportunity to influence, serve and lead. When you come up with great ideas please let me know. We're in process.

Adult Leader Develpment

2009-03-11T07:44:00.000-07:00

I happen to believe that the effectiveness of small group ministry is directly related to how we develop our adult leaders.

By small group ministry I mean 4-6 students being under the pastoral leadership of an adult.

These small groups are the foundation for our student ministry. We want each student to be connected with an adult leader and other students who are on the same spiritual journey.

How do you prepare and support your leaders in their ministry to students?

Foundations - part 2

2009-03-03T07:03:00.000-08:00

David Franklin, the youth pastor at Spanish River Church, in Boca Raton and I got into a 'brainstorming type' conversation. There were quite a few youth pastors in his area that had been doing youth ministry for 5 years or less. We asked a simple question. What are 4 foundational principles or practices that are non negotiable for student ministry? We wanted to enter into a forum type discussion with these youth pastors and share what we've experienced over the years as well as learn from them.

Sure, these principles don't come from rocket science and yes, there's nothing new under the sun, but sometimes in a ministry that always pushes us towards innovation and creativity we simply forget the basics. The first 2 are mentioned in "Foundations 1" (speaking of creativity, how do you like that title) and now let's discuss the second 2 principles.

1. The Heart of the Leader

Above all else we must care for our own relationship with Jesus.

2. Recruiting, Training and Shepherding adult leaders.

We are called by God to invite people to minister with us.

(there's more on these in the "foundations - part 1 blog)

Here's number 3 and 4

3. Developing life to life discipleship

Christianity is a religion about relationship. Our relationship to God is destroyed because of our sin and Jesus came to restore that relationship by willingly offering his life. We then live in relationship with Jesus and those around us when we receive the gift of salvation by faith alone.

Relationship is a huge deal. In fact I would say that the process of sanctification is also about relationship. Youth ministry isn't about how cool our events are or youth room is. It's not about how many students we can get in one place at one time. It really is about how we develop environments where students can be in deep meaningful relationship with each other and adults who are trained and cared for by us. For most of us that means we are dependent on other adult leaders to cause this to happen effectively.

This is more than simply having small groups or Sunday school. Life to life discipleship is about a trained adult leader seeing themselves in partnership with the parents (if they're around) as the primary spiritual influence in the lives of their students.

Right now at Irving Bible Church we are in process of thinking through the best way to make this happen. In fact last Sunday we launched 5 pilot groups. 5 adult leaders who have been trained to shepherd students will be meeting with them weekly. They will be praying for and with the students, holding them accountable, caring for their heart and training them for ministry. This leads us to the 4th foundational principle.

Our hope is that these relationships assist in these students becoming more like Jesus and discovering how God has wired them for ministry.

4. Student Leadership

Equipping students to lead, serve and minister should be the goal of every youth pastor. We are called to equip God's people (yes that includes students) for works of service. Part of the discipling process is helping students discover, develop and utilize their God given gifts.

Developing student leaders is foundational. Many students are no longer interested in the church because we continue to ask them to sit on the sideline while we as pastors get to play the game. Sure, we should throw them in the game with no investment in their lives and gifts, but intentionally thinking through the development of their God given gifts is foundational for effective student ministry.

As I continue to think through how to flesh out these foundational principles in the culture of my church I would love to get your perspective. Sure, the culture may be different where you are but there is always room for each of us to learn and grow.

Thanks for any input you would like to give.

The Class - thoughts on engaging the heart of students

2009-03-01T06:15:00.000-08:00

Last night I Julie and I went to the downtown Dallas area to see a movie with some friends of ours. Our friends are kind of “out there”. They really wanted to see this French film called “The Class”. I’m not going to lie, the movie was really kind of a sleeper. It won a bunch of awards because of it’s candid look at life in a city school room in the heart of Paris. It was like being a fly on the wall watching a 9th grade class room and teacher lounge. It seemed pretty real and raw to me.

Although there was little to no plot and nothing blew up, there were some reminders I took away that relate to each of us in working with students.

We see very little of a student’s life.

This isn’t very profound but we forget it sometimes. Although the time we spend with students is very significant, most of their life is spent at school at home or in social settings with friends. That means what we see is very limited. It helps to get on their turf every once in a while, but even then we see very little. We must become skilled at asking great questions to students to better understand what they are experience and feeling in life.

Students don’t need buddies they need adult friends

The goal of a youth worker isn’t to be liked; it’s to love students well. That means sometimes you confront issues and challenge students. Sometimes students respond well, other times they don’t like you a whole lot. Sometimes they hate what you do but come back and thank you later. (don’t hold your breath)

So, I wouldn’t recommend “The Class”, but taking a look at the classroom was a great reminder to me. For most of our students we as youth workers are a very small part of their world. Let’s try to lovingly break through to the rest of their lives by loving them well, asking great questions and meeting them on their turf. Do you have space in your life to do that?

What is Life2Life Consulting?

2009-02-04T07:18:00.000-08:00

Foundations - part 1

2009-01-29T13:35:00.000-08:00

A year ago I got into a discussion with a friend of mine who is also a youth pastor. Our discussion centered on thinking through the foundational principles today's youth pastor needs to understand and implement for fruitful ministry. It wasn't just a discussion on training. Training doesn't typically result in implementation, especially when the training comes in the form of an "information dump".

Here are the 2 of the 4 principles we thought were non negotiable or Foundational from our perspective.

1. The heart of the leader

As spiritual leaders, it's so important that we are first and foremost care for our own heart. John 15 is clear about fruit, it comes from remaining or abiding in Jesus. Ministry is a supernatural endeavor and we can't effectively care for those around us if we are not consistently clinging to Jesus. Sometimes we get caught in the business of ministry and forget it's first about Jesus and you.

I love this quote from Spurgeon...

“How diligently the calvary officer keeps his sabre clean and sharp; every stain he rubs off with the greatest care. Remember you are God's sword, His instrument – I trust, a chosen vessel unto Him to bear His name. In great measure, according to the purity and perfection of the instrument will be the success. It is not great talents God blesses as much as likeness to Jesus. A holy minister is an awful weapon in the hand of God”.

In a ministry culture where super stars are exalted it's important to remember that "likeness to Jesus" and abiding in Jesus is where fruit is found.

2. Recruiting, training and shepherding adult leaders

Youth pastors consistently say that finding leaders to work along side them in the ministry is the most difficult issue to reconcile. Most of us are in student ministry because we wanted to hang out with and impact kids. That's great, but if we're going to go broad as well as deep, we must have trained adult leaders working along side us. The primary job of the youth pastor isn't to hang with kids but to train others who will.

Our calling is to "equip God's people for works of service". Sure, we do the work of the ministry, but the main calling of the student ministry leader is to equip (recruit, shepherd, train) others for the ministry. We have to think through multiplying ourselves.

Last Thursday we finished the last of 4 forums where these foundational principles were taught, discussed and at some level implemented. We intentionally spread these trainings over a year so youth pastors would have sufficient time to think through implementation.

In the next few days I'll blog about the last 2 of the 4. What would you say are the top principles youth pastors must understand and practice? I wonder if you're dealing with some of the same issues we were thinking through. What do you believe our 2nd issues are?

I would love your input.

How a parent can distort their children's view of God (talking points)

2009-01-18T13:14:00.001-08:00

Before the sun came up yesterday we left 13040 Carriage Park Lane for the last time. So much has happened since we moved to Atlanta in 2001. Andrew (my oldest son) was 12, now he's almost 20, Julie and I both turned 40, we taught 3 boys how to drive (I have no idea how many wrecks we've had) and developed hundreds of friendships, a few of those friendships we'll have the rest of our lives. We loved our time there.

When I was walking through our home I was remembering all the laughter, playing, fighting, wrestling, hugging, farting, burping, crying and many other things that took place. It was where we as a family grew up. Lauren was 6, now she's 13. She went from a little girl to a soon to be woman. Zach, Austin and Andrew have become men...we'll almost. Just like a really cool sunset you want to last longer than it does, a phase of our life is over.

I have always wanted to clearly display who God is to my children. One of my life passages is this Psalm. Look at how many times the Psalmist speaks of his role in proclaiming God clearly to those who are younger than us.

Ps 71:14-18

14 But as for me, I will always have hope;
I will praise you more and more.
15 My mouth will tell of your righteousness,
of your salvation all day long,
though I know not its measure.
16 I will come and proclaim your mighty acts, O Sovereign Lord;
I will proclaim your righteousness, yours alone.
17 Since my youth, O God, you have taught me,
and to this day I declare your marvelous deeds.
18 Even when I am old and gray,
do not forsake me, O God,
till I declare your power to the next generation,
your might to all who are to come.

Growing faith in our children comes by communicating to them a clear view of the character of God. As parents we communicate more with our lives than our words. Our children view God through the window of our lives.

God is the one who pursues and changes hearts but I want to be a part of the process not a hindrance. So with all this in mind I was thinking through ways parents can distort or limit their children’s view of God.

Ways to distort or limit your kid’s view of God…

• Pretend everything is great…(horrible headwound harry) (communicates that he isn’t involved enough)
o As parents we can have the tendency to act like everything is ok when it’s obviously not…we don’t want to add stress to our kids. It steals from our kids an opportunity for them to see us depend heavily on God…

Point: Don’t be afraid to have wise transparency with your kids…
o Admit failure and ask for forgiveness
o Let them know about financial struggle

• Protect your kids from everything (communicates that he isn’t strong enough)
o We have a responsibility to provide and protect our children, but we should always look for ways to wisely put them in dependence on God. We could get into a long discussion on what we should allow our kids to be exposed to as far as media…
It steals from our kids an opportunity for them to depend on God…

Point: We must be intentional about putting our kids in situations where they need God.
o Mission trips
o Public schooling?
o Extra curricular school activities

• Practice Idolatry (pepsi commercial) (communicates that he isn’t satisfying enough)
o What would your son are daughter say is most important to you? They will view God with the same passion and focus you do. When we live our lives for everything else but God and still communicate that God is most important in our lives, our kids will not understand how to love God with all our soul mind and strength. He is supreme and worthy of all our lives.

Point: Ask God for the grace to love him preeminently

• Prioritize performance over heart (communicates that he isn’t gracious enough)
o I’ve always tried to teach my kids that effort is more important than the result. God honors our hearts. (Lady who gave a penny) If we are always focusing on the performance of our kids they will try to perform to please us and God.

Point: God of grace. Our kids should never feel they must earn our acceptance.

Deut 6:6-9
6 These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. 7 Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 8 Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. 9 Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.

Life to LIfe

2008-12-24T11:39:00.000-08:00

Every youth group has that kid. You know the one. The student who is an accident waiting to happen. For me Josh was that kid. My first real exposure to him was at Erlanger Hospital right after he broke his back. That was just the beginning. I’ve actually seen him get hit in the thigh with a golf ball. You could read the word “titlelist” on his upper thigh for weeks. Beyond the accidents Josh was a fun kid who was faithful to the Lord and to the ministry. There are so many stories I would love to tell about this student. Sometimes just saying the name Josh makes me laugh.

At one point his dad forbid the two of us to be anywhere close to large bodies of water including lakes, rivers and oceans. With Josh I’ve been stranded on a small boat in the Atlantic in an intense thunderstorm. On a separate occasion I was actually with him when he was run over by a boat. Because of shared trauma our hearts will forever been connected.

Josh is now 26. It’s really kind of miraculous the boy is still alive. Last year I was privileged to attend his wedding and meet the woman he will spend the rest of his life loving well. I’m so proud of the man he’s become.

A couple of weeks ago I found out his dad died suddenly. I was in the area so we got to spend some really neat time together. We cried and laughed as we told stories about his dad and how awesome of a man he was. His Father’s nickname was “Boss” and he lived out that name with with great passion.

Towards the end of our time together the subject kind of changed. Sitting across the table from one another we began to talk about my future and what I should do when I grow up. (I was recently in a job transition) It’s funny how things kind of come around. My relationship with Josh had always been about me encouraging him and giving him spiritual mentoring, but now the tables were turned. The student had now become the teacher and it was time for me to sit and listen.

As we talked about what I should do next in my life he said something so interesting to me. “David, I would love to see you in a small church instead of a large church”. Of course I asked him why. What he said next was a golden reminder to any of us who love students. “There are many things I remember about being in the youth group, I remember you used to talk about the woman at the well a lot” (I really love that story) “But what I remember most are the times you and I spent together. That’s what had the biggest impact on me. If you’re in a large church with a large youth group I’m afraid kids won’t get that opportunity.”

I know I’m preaching to the choir here but it reminded me once again that youth ministry is the ministry of “being there.” Student ministry is the abiding ministry of Jesus in our lives and connecting our lives and hearts to students. I’m not really sure what I did in those “one on one” times. In fact I’m pretty sure they weren’t that intentional most the time. The reality is ministry is more about who you are and where you are than what you do. Paul said this about his own ministry.

8We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well, because you had become so dear to us.

Let the words “we loved you so much” sink in for minute. Is there any relationship in your ministry that would fall into the “loving so much” category? Paul didn’t have to force himself to live life to life with people, it was the natural overflow of his affection towards those to whom he was ministering.

Sure, Paul taught and preached the truth to people but he shared more than words, he shared his life. My guess is that people he served are a little like Josh. The truth they saw in Paul was at least as powerful as the truth they heard from Paul.

So, what does it mean to share your life? If ministry is about being there then sharing your life has to be defined as time connecting with those who are under your care. That’s the main thing Josh remembered about his time in the youth ministry. It wasn’t the incredible expository teaching I delivered every week but was the backpacking trip or the time on the golf course.

Why is it that for some of us taking the time to be with students can be so challenging? Could it be that so often our performance is judged by what’s done in the large group setting? Many times the greatest hope and desire of parents and church leaders is that their kids won’t gripe about having to go to church. They believe that if students go to church they won’t have sex before marriage and they’ll stay off drugs. And isn’t that what student ministry is all about?

It’s easy to get confused about what makes ministry successful. Effective ministry is much more than shaping the behavior of kids. Jesus did a lot of up front teaching but he changed the world through the 12 men with which he lived. Please don’t here me say that the teaching of the Word and our large gatherings are not important, they are. My plea however is that we would remember and embrace that life-to-life ministry must be the foundation of student ministry and for that matter all ministry.

As we wrap our minds around this simple reminder, let’s consider a couple of questions.

Is your life worth sharing?

Paul was passionate about sharing his life with people. Our lives are only worth sharing if we are daily being transformed by the power of God. This means it must be our priority to savor God daily in personal worship. Time feasting on the Word and crying out to God in prayer is the only chance we have to share a life with students that will enable them to go deeper.

How do you judge success?

We have all experienced the joy and thrill of walking into our youth room and seeing it almost full or overflowing. Do we view our success by how many students are showing up at one place at one time? That can be an indicator of success, but if it’s the primary indicator you will invest most of your time, energy and resource in the large gathering and rob life-to-life ministry.

Do you have space in your life for relational ministry?

If we believe Jesus, Paul and Josh we know it’s so important to create times of one-on-one or one-on-a-few opportunities. A ministry of “being there” is about being available but also being intentional about having time to spend with students. Let’s take a look at our calendars to see how much time we really have set aside for these life to life encounters with students.

I’m so thankful my friend Josh reminded me of the simple truth that ministry is about relationship. I love being with Josh. I’m thinking about scheduling a deep sea fishing trip for us. Just for old times sake!